08-09-2011, 07:39 AM
The Straits Times
Sep 8, 2011
Finding hope to beat gambling monster
Gamblers come together at One Hope Centre to overcome their despair
By Janice Tai
A MOTLEY group of 15 gathered at a room in St Andrew's Cathedral last Thursday night with one common desire: Please, help me - or my loved one - to stop gambling.
Twelve were men, mostly in their 30s and older.
Among the three women was a mother who had come on behalf of her teenage gambler son.
The session, which was for people attending gambling counselling for the first time, was organised by One Hope Centre, one of the biggest volunteer groups helping problem gamblers.
Upstairs, two other recovery support groups - as they are called - were also in session.
The meeting was scheduled to start at 7.30pm but most arrived 10 minutes early. They were all asked to fill out a form detailing their credit history.
Once the paperwork was done, a plastic curtain was pulled around them to create a cosy space for them to talk. Seated on plastic chairs, the 15 in this group arranged themselves in a circle.
Reverend Tan Lye Keng, executive director of One Hope Centre, was in charge. A stocky man who is gentle but loquacious, he started the ball rolling.
'Would you like to share about your current emotional state and what brought you here?' he asked a middle-aged man who was in a T-shirt, bermudas and slippers.
The man looked uneasy and kept quiet.
Sensing his discomfort, Rev Tan jumped in quickly. Scanning the man's credit history, he noted that he owed money to quite a few loan sharks and licensed moneylenders.
This got the conversation going and before long, the man laid bare his gambling history and problems.
The others listened intently as he recounted the strained relationship he has with his wife and children because of the harassment they face from loan sharks and moneylenders.
Some nodded in empathy as he spoke, but a few kept their eyes on the floor as his experiences hit home.
Rev Tan said it is not uncommon for participants to break down. But that Thursday, the 15 kept their emotions in check.
One by one, each shared his gambling story, seemingly encouraged by the others who had spoken before him.
Some talked about losing tens of thousands of dollars, others hundreds of thousands.
Most said they gambled in a variety of ways - horse racing, football betting and frequenting the casinos.
All seemed relieved to be in the company of people in the same boat.
Towards the end of the two-hour session, some of the facilitators - problem gamblers who have since kicked the habit - gave their own accounts of how they beat their addiction.
They had a message of hope: recovery is possible; you can beat the gambling monster.
The message struck a chord with Mr Ong, a 33-year-old civil servant. He said he had always thought he was suffering alone, but now knew he was not.
The compulsive gambler dallied with Lady Luck on anything from horses to the machines at casinos both here and abroad, and on Internet football betting.
'I had borrowed from almost all the banks in Singapore, with the exception of one. I would buy time by borrowing from one bank or credit card to pay off another bank or credit card,' he said.
'It was like digging a hole to fill up another hole. There was no light at the end of the tunnel.'
Platform for learning
Every week, gambling counselling sessions like this take place in churches, hospitals and halfway houses across the island.
The Straits Times sat through two sessions last week run by One Hope Centre.
The first, for newcomers, at St Andrew's Cathedral that Thursday night, and the second, for those who have 'graduated' from the newcomers' series, last Saturday night at Geylang Chinese Methodist Church in Aljunied Road.
One Hope's twice-weekly sessions attract an average of 70 people on weekends and 50 on weekdays. They are split into groups, each with about 15 people.
Although it is a Christian organisation, its sessions, which are held in churches and ends with a prayer, are open to non-Christians. Rev Tan said one way to manage a gambling addiction is to attend group sessions. 'It is crucial for problem gamblers to attend group sessions as it is a learning platform where there is also support and interaction.'
Sessions for newcomers, like the one last Thursday, take place over three weeks.
There, gamblers share their gambling history and the financial and emotional struggles they face.
Facilitators will tease more details out of them, after which they will offer options, both financial and psychological, for them to consider.
If the gamblers want help to work out a more detailed debt management plan, they can make an appointment with the centre, which will help them get it.
The Saturday group, which was for those who have completed the newcomers' series, follows a more structured programme.
The participants had already worked out the details of their debt management plans and attended individual counselling sessions on debt management.
The mood was more informal as the 12 gamblers - nine men and three women - were accompanied by their family members, mostly spouses.
It was their 12th meeting as a group and all of them were by now friends. They greeted each other with smiles and some made supper plans before the session started.
The topic for the night: Who are one's true friends?
The sharing flowed, peppered with banter, but some emotions were clearly still raw. A middle-aged woman cried when she talked about the problems her gambler husband was facing.
David, the group's facilitator and a reformed gambling addict, said: 'They enter and leave with smiles on their faces as they are no longer trapped in fear and have already worked out a debt management plan.
'And unlike the newcomer group, you no longer see any one of them suddenly leave the room to answer a phone call from the loan sharks.'
Another facilitator, Mr Lee, 59, knows too well the evils of gambling.
He started dicing with Lady Luck in the 1970s when he was fresh out of school.
He has betted on race horses and football, and been to underground gambling dens in Singapore and on weekend getaways to casinos in the region.
'The mental stress I was under got so bad that I walked over to Changi Beach and almost attempted suicide several times,' he said.
'I wouldn't have made it without the support of my family who came along with me for the group support sessions.'
He did not visit the casinos here as he was already seeking help for his addiction when they opened.
While he no longer gambles, he still has a $1 million debt to loan sharks, banks and licensed moneylenders.
He has not declared bankruptcy. What worries him is that his son, who is his guarantor, may be forced to declare bankruptcy. 'I will not be able to repay this in my lifetime but what to do?' he said of his debt. 'I will live one day at a time.'
jantai@sph.com.sg
Sep 8, 2011
Finding hope to beat gambling monster
Gamblers come together at One Hope Centre to overcome their despair
By Janice Tai
A MOTLEY group of 15 gathered at a room in St Andrew's Cathedral last Thursday night with one common desire: Please, help me - or my loved one - to stop gambling.
Twelve were men, mostly in their 30s and older.
Among the three women was a mother who had come on behalf of her teenage gambler son.
The session, which was for people attending gambling counselling for the first time, was organised by One Hope Centre, one of the biggest volunteer groups helping problem gamblers.
Upstairs, two other recovery support groups - as they are called - were also in session.
The meeting was scheduled to start at 7.30pm but most arrived 10 minutes early. They were all asked to fill out a form detailing their credit history.
Once the paperwork was done, a plastic curtain was pulled around them to create a cosy space for them to talk. Seated on plastic chairs, the 15 in this group arranged themselves in a circle.
Reverend Tan Lye Keng, executive director of One Hope Centre, was in charge. A stocky man who is gentle but loquacious, he started the ball rolling.
'Would you like to share about your current emotional state and what brought you here?' he asked a middle-aged man who was in a T-shirt, bermudas and slippers.
The man looked uneasy and kept quiet.
Sensing his discomfort, Rev Tan jumped in quickly. Scanning the man's credit history, he noted that he owed money to quite a few loan sharks and licensed moneylenders.
This got the conversation going and before long, the man laid bare his gambling history and problems.
The others listened intently as he recounted the strained relationship he has with his wife and children because of the harassment they face from loan sharks and moneylenders.
Some nodded in empathy as he spoke, but a few kept their eyes on the floor as his experiences hit home.
Rev Tan said it is not uncommon for participants to break down. But that Thursday, the 15 kept their emotions in check.
One by one, each shared his gambling story, seemingly encouraged by the others who had spoken before him.
Some talked about losing tens of thousands of dollars, others hundreds of thousands.
Most said they gambled in a variety of ways - horse racing, football betting and frequenting the casinos.
All seemed relieved to be in the company of people in the same boat.
Towards the end of the two-hour session, some of the facilitators - problem gamblers who have since kicked the habit - gave their own accounts of how they beat their addiction.
They had a message of hope: recovery is possible; you can beat the gambling monster.
The message struck a chord with Mr Ong, a 33-year-old civil servant. He said he had always thought he was suffering alone, but now knew he was not.
The compulsive gambler dallied with Lady Luck on anything from horses to the machines at casinos both here and abroad, and on Internet football betting.
'I had borrowed from almost all the banks in Singapore, with the exception of one. I would buy time by borrowing from one bank or credit card to pay off another bank or credit card,' he said.
'It was like digging a hole to fill up another hole. There was no light at the end of the tunnel.'
Platform for learning
Every week, gambling counselling sessions like this take place in churches, hospitals and halfway houses across the island.
The Straits Times sat through two sessions last week run by One Hope Centre.
The first, for newcomers, at St Andrew's Cathedral that Thursday night, and the second, for those who have 'graduated' from the newcomers' series, last Saturday night at Geylang Chinese Methodist Church in Aljunied Road.
One Hope's twice-weekly sessions attract an average of 70 people on weekends and 50 on weekdays. They are split into groups, each with about 15 people.
Although it is a Christian organisation, its sessions, which are held in churches and ends with a prayer, are open to non-Christians. Rev Tan said one way to manage a gambling addiction is to attend group sessions. 'It is crucial for problem gamblers to attend group sessions as it is a learning platform where there is also support and interaction.'
Sessions for newcomers, like the one last Thursday, take place over three weeks.
There, gamblers share their gambling history and the financial and emotional struggles they face.
Facilitators will tease more details out of them, after which they will offer options, both financial and psychological, for them to consider.
If the gamblers want help to work out a more detailed debt management plan, they can make an appointment with the centre, which will help them get it.
The Saturday group, which was for those who have completed the newcomers' series, follows a more structured programme.
The participants had already worked out the details of their debt management plans and attended individual counselling sessions on debt management.
The mood was more informal as the 12 gamblers - nine men and three women - were accompanied by their family members, mostly spouses.
It was their 12th meeting as a group and all of them were by now friends. They greeted each other with smiles and some made supper plans before the session started.
The topic for the night: Who are one's true friends?
The sharing flowed, peppered with banter, but some emotions were clearly still raw. A middle-aged woman cried when she talked about the problems her gambler husband was facing.
David, the group's facilitator and a reformed gambling addict, said: 'They enter and leave with smiles on their faces as they are no longer trapped in fear and have already worked out a debt management plan.
'And unlike the newcomer group, you no longer see any one of them suddenly leave the room to answer a phone call from the loan sharks.'
Another facilitator, Mr Lee, 59, knows too well the evils of gambling.
He started dicing with Lady Luck in the 1970s when he was fresh out of school.
He has betted on race horses and football, and been to underground gambling dens in Singapore and on weekend getaways to casinos in the region.
'The mental stress I was under got so bad that I walked over to Changi Beach and almost attempted suicide several times,' he said.
'I wouldn't have made it without the support of my family who came along with me for the group support sessions.'
He did not visit the casinos here as he was already seeking help for his addiction when they opened.
While he no longer gambles, he still has a $1 million debt to loan sharks, banks and licensed moneylenders.
He has not declared bankruptcy. What worries him is that his son, who is his guarantor, may be forced to declare bankruptcy. 'I will not be able to repay this in my lifetime but what to do?' he said of his debt. 'I will live one day at a time.'
jantai@sph.com.sg